How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
