Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Rumble strips road head = magical
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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