I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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