I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
