Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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