Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize