Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
