Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
