what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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