Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
