im six kinds of drunk right now
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
