My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
