My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize