the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
