Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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