you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
