She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize