the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
