i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
