Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
