Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
