The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
