I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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