So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
