brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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