it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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