I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
