i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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