dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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