and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You're like the curious george of whores
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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