Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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