So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
