I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
