then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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