Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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