I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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