forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
