This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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