My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize