I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
