meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize