Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize