i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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