can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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