i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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