I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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