how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
