Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
