i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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