Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
