you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
