I love black thongs
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
