I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
