eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
