Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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