He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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