what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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