I feel like abortions should bother me more
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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