like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
