I think my vagina is haunted
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
