I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
