Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
