haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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