Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
