This girl is more easily done than said...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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