i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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