I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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