it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
