32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We are two peas in an std pod
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
