I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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