the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
