bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
