thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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