Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize