I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
