Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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