3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
