I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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