I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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