Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How does one acquire holy water?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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