dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
3 2 1 whiskey
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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