It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize