Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
They took my balls.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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