i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
