Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
