I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
