tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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