am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
