This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
