I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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