It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
