Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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